Sarah vs The Dreamless Sleep
by daydreamer2578
Summary: Chuck vs. the Wookie interlude. After the Nodani Noir diamond mission, two old friends catch up in Sarah's hotel room. When Sarah has trouble sleeping, Carina is there to help her along. Mild femslash, but primarily a friendship piece.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **_First of all, I'd like to send out a big thank you to __**Wepdiggy **__and __**mxpw**__ for their help with this Sarina fic. They technically did not do a full beta for me though, so all typos, pronoun confusion, and random unusual verbage are my own._

_And now that I've used the words Wepdiggy and Sarina in the same sentence, I'd like to thank the remainder of you who are still here reading (haha). While the boys were an invaluable help with this piece and I really can't thank them enough, please be assured that we have very, very different ideas as to the nature of Sarah and Carina's relationship. I've labeled this a friendship and hurt/comfort piece and I firmly stand by that. I'm hoping that there's a little bit for everybody in here. But, yes, it is technically femslash so the standard warnings about not continuing on if you disapprove apply. I've given Sarah and Carina the same history as my Fallout AU, but I think I can sum this piece up by saying that they go back, way back. Or, as we would say in the South, they've been knowin' each other a minute. For the full story please feel free to refer to Chapter 3 of Chuck vs. the Fallout (And yes there is more of that to come eventually. Files have disappeared and I'm having to do lots and lots of rewriting which is never as much fun as writing something for the first time. I just can't stop myself from skipping ahead)._

_As this got rather long, I'm breaking it up into two chapters. The first keeps to a K+ or mild T rating for some language and innuendo. The second I've rated M to stay on the safe side, but I don't think there's anything too terribly graphic. I didn't write this as a songfic, but as I was working on the second chapter, my iTunes randomly shuffled to _Broken_ by _Lifehouse_ and I thought it fit in perfectly with Sarah's frame of mind. So for those of you who like a bit of interactive fun, feel free to cue it up along with Chapter 2._

_As always, I don't own Chuck. If I did, I'd have it coming back at the end of the month. Hey, maybe things are looking up for me after all! It's a beautiful day in the Chuckverse everybody!_

_And now, without further ado . . ._

* * *

**Sarah vs. The Dreamless Sleep**

**by daydreamer 2578**

In room 832 of the Maison23 Los Angeles Hotel, two of the country's top secret agents were hard at work, typing up their reports detailing the events of that evening's Nodoni Noir diamond fiasco. CIA agent Sarah Walker was sitting Indian-style in her favorite green chair by the window while her long-time best friend, rival, and DEA agent Carina Hansen had spread out on the room's built-in desk. Without pausing in her typing, Sarah looked up from her report to steal a glance at the now redhead. Sarah couldn't help but think that she liked her better with her natural dark blond waves. Carina was ostensibly still working, but Sarah hadn't heard so much as a keystroke from her direction in several minutes. There was no way she could be done this quickly, particularly given the unorthodox turn the mission had taken.

Sarah grinned to herself as she saw that the other agent was surreptitiously using a pen and paper clip to put together a rubber band launcher. Continuing to type one-handed so as not to alert Carina that she had noticed, Sarah stealthily picked out her own rubber band from the bag she had concealed between her crossed legs. When Carina turned to launch her projectile, Sarah was ready. Without bothering to look up from the screen of her MacBook, she caught the flying rubber band and launched her own out from under the table, scoring a direct hit right in the middle of Carina's forehead.

"Hey!" Carina said, rubbing her brow and pouting.

"You started it," Sarah smiled sweetly back at her, then turned her attention back to her report.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Carina stick her tongue out at her then turn back towards her computer. However, after a few minutes, the sounds of typing from the other side of the room died away again. Switching back to one-handed keyboarding, Sarah brought out a fully loaded rubber band gun and took aim at the redhead's back. When Carina spun around in her chair, Sarah began pulling the trigger rapidly, sending all ten rubber bands flying straight into Carina's chest, one right after the other.

Carina yelped and flew across the room to wrench the gun playfully from Sarah's hand.

"This is great!" she said, laughing and examining the toy. "Where'd you get it?"

"From the Buy More," Sarah stretched out her legs and put the bag of rubber bands on the table. "I thought it might come in handy with you being in town and all."

Carina reloaded the gun and started launching rubber bands randomly around the room. She knocked petals off of the flower arrangements, hooked one on the edge of a wall sconce, blew out a candle on the nightstand, and finished by sending one up in a high arc to land neatly in Sarah's goldfish bowl.

"We could have used one of these back in Mrs. Wilcox's class," she grinned.

Sarah took the gun back before Carina could do any more damage. She shuddered to think about the repair bill the CIA would be receiving from the hotel after her dramatic entrance two nights before.

"Please," Sarah said, "you spent enough time in detention as it was. And give my poor fish a break, will ya'? You've traumatized him enough already."

Carina leaned down to the glass bowl and gave the goldfish an apologetic kiss through the glass. "Sorry fishy," she said, and then turned back to Sarah. "But I do seem to remember always having plenty of company in detention whenever you were around."

"Only because you always insisted on dragging me into your crazy schemes," Sarah scoffed.

"Hey, who was it that brought in that giant, plastic jumping spider and nearly gave old Wilcox a heart attack?"

"You."

"Oh yeah, that was me," Carina admitted with a grin. "But what about the Super Soaker in gym class?"

"Also you."

"The super glue and Mr. Frasier's toupee?"

"All you. But that one _was_ pretty funny."

"What about the sleeping pills in Mr. Ritchie's coffee?"

"That would be you too."

"Not so! If I remember correctly – and I'm fairly certain that I do – you were the one who handed him the poisoned cup."

Sarah widened her eyes and feigned innocence. "How was I supposed to know what you put in there?"

"Uh, huh," Carina retorted. "Ritchie didn't buy those big, blue innocent eyes then, and I _certainly_ don't buy them now."

Sarah batted her eyelashes several times, giving Carina a large dose of those big, blue innocent eyes. But she couldn't hold the face long under Carina's disapproving smirk, and eventually both women started laughing.

"Just don't forget that it was these baby blues and my sweet little innocent act that kept us from getting expelled."

"Yeah, I guess I should have thanked you for that," Carina conceded.

"Damn straight," Sarah retorted. "But instead, you had to go and provoke him again and land us cleaning the bleachers after every game for a solid month."

"Fine, fine. But the frogs in Biology lab were totally you."

"That was a political statement."

"Uh, huh. Sure."

"Just finish your report, Carina. Looks like you still have a few sections to go," Sarah said, glancing over at Carina's laptop.

"I don't know what to say!" the frustrated DEA agent wailed, throwing up her hands. "How am I supposed to explain how an analyst – who shouldn't even have been in the field in the first place, mind you – managed to send the world's largest drug diamond –"

"Terrorist diamond," Sarah corrected.

"_Terrorist _diamond," she amended, "to the Pentagon via FedEx? Can I just read what you wrote?"

Sarah laughed. "No," she said, hitting the return button to send her own report and closing the cover of her laptop. "When did I ever let you cheat off of me?"

Carina looked incredulous. "How can you be done already?"

Sarah stood, stretched languidly and flopped backwards onto the bed. "With Chuck, I'm starting to get used to it," she explained. "My first report, I got to describe how he used porn to disarm a bomb. The second, I had to explain how he ended up behind the controls of a helicopter and had to land it solo."

And Sarah had thought that Carina had looked amazed before. "How on earth do you disarm a bomb with porn?" she asked, eyes wide.

"Some things are just more entertaining when left to the imagination, don't you think?" Sarah teased.

Carina considered for a second. "Maybe you're right," she said, a slight smile playing across her face. "And he really flew a helicopter?"

"Well, I don't know if you'd exactly call it flying . . . "

"And here I thought that this was just a boring babysitting assignment."

"Please, do you really think that the CIA would send _me_ out just to babysit?"

"I don't know," Carina mused. "I thought maybe it was fallout for Bryce or something."

At the mention of Bryce's name, Sarah saw a flash of red and all of her anger towards Carina over the events of the last two days came bubbling back up to the surface. _How dare she bring him up again?_ Sarah thought bitterly, sitting up on the bed to glare at her.

"Don't even think about mentioning Bryce to me right now," she growled from low in her throat.

Sarah's abrupt change in demeanor was not lost on her long-time friend. Carina let out a low whistle, leaned back against the desk and held up her hands. "Okaaay. I touched a nerve there. I get it."

"That's all you ever do is touch people's nerves!" Sarah snapped. "You think one day you'd learn."

"It's not my fault that people leave those raw ends just dangling out there for the world to see," Carina defended herself.

"Well some people wouldn't see those raw ends if they weren't snooping around listening to other people's private conversations instead of just picking up a phone like a normal person."

"Please," Carina shot back. "You know that there's no such thing as a private conversation in our world."

"I know that," Sarah spat, "but Chuck doesn't. He's not like us. He had no clue you were there. I lied to him about Bryce for a reason. I knew he couldn't handle it yet. And then, not only do you try and seduce him, you had to use what he said to hit him exactly where you knew it would hurt the most."

Carina softened slightly. "Look, I'm sorry," she said. "I had no idea he'd get so . . . sensitive . . . about it."

Sarah was anything but appeased and continued her berating in the same scalding tone of voice. "Chuck's not a spy and you knew that. He's a genuinely good guy who got roped into all of this against his will. He's in completely over his head and he's floundering. In his first two times out, he barely escaped kidnapping, torture and being thrown off of a balcony, and he's terrified of heights. I was finally getting to a good place with him, and then you have to go and . . ." Sarah flailed her hand about looking for the right word, "_complicate_ things. And with one of your damned cheap shots no less."

Carina sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. Really. I just didn't buy the nice guy act."

"It's not an act."

"But if he's such a genuinely good guy, what's he doing with that level of clearance? Nice guys don't know government secrets."

"It's none of your concern why," Sarah snapped again. "But like I said, none of this has been his choice. Trust me." Exasperated with the whole situation – leave it to Carina to get her all riled up when all she wanted to do was chill out and de-stress for a while and then go to bed – Sarah flopped back on the mattress and pulled a pillow over her head. The last thing in the world she wanted was to be having this conversation, but she also knew Carina well enough to know that once she had started on a topic, she wouldn't let it drop until she was satisfied. She had the exclusive ability to get Sarah angry and frustrated even faster than Chuck could make her freeze up and start stammering things about kissing him that she didn't really mean. Or did she mean them? Dammit, she didn't want to think about Chuck right now. She did more than enough of that on her own without Carina's help, thank you very much.

Gathering her focus, Sarah took a few deep breaths and began systematically clearing her head of thought. She focused her attention on the feel of the sheets beneath her, the heat of her breath against the pillowcase, willing her mind to silence. She tried to will Carina to silence as well_. Please just shut up already_.

"Soooo," Carina continued on, oblivious, eliciting a frustrated growl from Sarah. "However Chucky Boy got himself in, he wants out bad, and it's your job to keep him happy and compliant?"

"Pretty much," Sarah mumbled from under her pillow.

"And are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Keeping him happy?" Carina asked suggestively, raising her eyebrows knowingly.

"That's none of your business either," Sarah retorted quickly, glaring at her from around the pillowcase.

Carina's mouth shot open again, most likely to make some sort of lewd suggestion or another, but something on Sarah's face must have let her know that she was deadly serious. Carina closed her mouth again, apparently having decided to let that sleeping dog lie. She pushed off the vanity with an exaggerated glance around the room, and sauntered over to sit on the bed beside Sarah.

"And so keeping Chuck Bartowski happy and compliant buys you this beautiful hum-drum existence of board games, penguin movies and corn dogs?"

"Yup," Sarah said simply.

"How can you stand it? Don't you miss it out there?

Sarah sighed and sat up on the bed, hugging the pillow to her chest. "I don't know," she tempered, undecided. "It's really different, you know? It actually feels more like a con than an assignment. But still, it's kinda nice. I mean, we spend all our time out there fighting to protect the big 'American Dream,' and now I get this little glimpse into what it is we're out there working for; what's it's like just to be a normal person."

At this, Carina couldn't help but snort. "So working for the Burbank Nerd Herd is the new American Dream?"

"No, not that," Sarah admitted. "But I actually do think I'm enjoying myself more cooking hot dogs and messing with the stoner kids' heads than I would be if I were stuck with an asset who worked in a cube farm."

_Shit._ Sarah realized her slip in calling Chuck an asset instead of an analyst too late. She was slipping far too much when it came to Chuck these days. She glanced over at Carina to see that she had indeed noticed her mistake. Sarah could tell that she was filing the information away in her head as another clue as to what Team Bartowski was actually doing in L.A. Carina was always far too pugnacious when it came to sticking her nose into places it didn't belong. And, national security matters aside, Sarah couldn't have Carina finding out about the Intersect – it would put her in too much danger. She mentally prepared a quick denial, but it seemed that the redhead had decided not to mention it.

"Yeah, but at least if you were working in an office building you'd smell better," Carina teased instead with a wicked grin on her face.

Sarah breathed a sigh of relief, put a mock-scowl on her own face and threw her pillow at Carina. "Hey!"

"Please," Carina laughed, dodging the pillow, which crashed into the vanity, knocking over a fake flower arrangement, "you've been off work for hours and I can still smell you from across the room."

"Fine," Sarah rolled her eyes, "I'll go take a shower."

"Want some company?"

_Here we go again_, Sarah thought with a grin. She had been wondering when Carina was going to get around to the flirting. She had actually made it a remarkably long time – for her, anyways.

"Funny. Why don't you just finish up your report and order some dinner? I'm famished."

"Sure thing. Champagne, strawberries, whipped cream and chocolate syrup coming right up!"

Sarah decided not to dignify this with a response and just shot her friend another exasperated eye roll. Removing the rubber band from her ponytail, she shook out her hair, picked up the other pillow and began rubbing it all over her head.

"What in the world are you doing?" Carina asked, bemused.

"Just making sure to get plenty of my _eau de Weinerlicious_ on your pillow before I wash my hair," she said, winking at her.

"_My_ pillow?" Carina asked, "Am I staying the night?"

Sarah stood up and casually peeled off her tank top, getting ready to hop in the shower. Despite Carina's flirting, she didn't even give a second thought to taking off her clothes in front of her. In the nearly twenty years she had known her, Carina had seen everything she had to offer more than once. It would actually be a false display of modesty that would be more likely to give her the wrong kind of ideas.

"Sure. Why not?" Sarah asked lightly, balling up her shirt and tossing it towards the bathroom. "It's been what? A year? We can catch up, watch a movie, go for a jog in the morning."

"Bet I can still kick your ass over five miles," Carina challenged.

"I'll bet ya fifty you can't," Sarah said, swinging her legs over to the other side of the bed and sliding out of her jeans. "I've had a lot more time to run lately." She kicked her jeans across the room and stole a quick glance over towards the mirror to see Carina eyeing her thigh muscles. Or maybe her thong. Probably her thong. "We on?" she asked, rolling her eyes again.

"Sure, why not?" Carina said. "A regular Snoresville sleepover party. We can even do each other's hair and talk about boys."

Sarah snatched up the pillow and smacked Carina across the face with it a couple of times. Carina wrestled it away from her and made a production of smelling it and pretending to gag. Sarah laughed and sent her lockpick hurtling towards Carina's head as she walked towards the bathroom. Carina ducked, rolled off the bed and came up with the rubber band gun, firing a stream of projectiles that landed, stinging, on Sarah's exposed torso and backside. _Damn_, she had to admit that the girl was good; Sarah hadn't even noticed her reloading the gun.

Sarah dove into the bathroom, quickly grabbing a handful of random cosmetics off of the vanity and moving into a crouch near the door. She lobbed tubes of mascara, lipstick and eyeliner over the bed, listening as they landed in order to ferret out where Carina was hiding. She picked up a canister of loose powder, unscrewed the lid halfway and took careful aim at a spot on the carpet just to the right of the wall. After a few seconds, Carina rolled out from behind the bed, standing quickly to put her back flat against the wall and start stalking towards Sarah. Sarah lobbed the powder box which burst open as it landed, coating Carina's black clothing with a thick, peach mist.

While coughing and waving the cloud of powder away with her left hand, Carina calmly raised the gun in her right and emptied the clip in Sarah's direction. Her supply of cosmetics exhausted, Sarah reached into the mini-fridge behind her coming up with a container of vanilla yogurt. As Carina neared her location, Sarah let fly with the yogurt, hitting Carina in the abdomen. Unfortunately, this container also broke open, leaving large gobs of white paste on Carina's shirt, the wall and the floor around her. Looking down in disbelief at her ruined shirt, Carina burst out laughing and held up her hands. "Ok, you win this one."

Sarah had collapsed back against the wall, wiping away tears of laughter. "That's two for me this trip."

"I'd call the last one a draw."

"Whatever," Sarah said, waving her hand dismissively. "Give me your shirt. I'll rinse it out in the shower. PJs are in the second drawer."

Carina peeled off her tank top and threw it over Sarah's head, covering her face and hair with gobs of yogurt.

"Damn, you look cute when you're wearing food," Carina grinned at her.

Sarah grinned back, ran her finger down her nose, scooping up some yogurt and popped it into her mouth. "That reminds me," she said, "don't forget about dinner, I'm starving."

"Right on," Carina said, "since the CIA's buying, I'm feeling like some surf-and-turf."

"Uh uh," Sarah shook her head, getting up, "better make it dad-style surf-and-turf. I've already burned through most of my expense allowance this month."

"That much, really? What on?"

"It's L.A. I needed new clothes! Do you have any idea how many shoes there are here?"

"They should know better than to let you go shopping unattended," Carina laughed, "nobody will ever see you in the same outfit twice. So I'm trading your Ferragamo slingbacks for a cheeseburger and fish sticks. What do you want?"

Sarah waggled her eyebrows playfully as she drew the bathroom doors shut between them. "You know what I want."

*****

Sarah lingered in the shower, giving Carina plenty of time to finish her report. When she heard room service knocking on the door, she quickly toweled dry and threw on a cotton camisole and a pair of boy shorts. Listening to the conversation from the bedroom, she heard Carina's tone of voice change quickly from light and conversational to sultry and husky and she figured that Mike must be on duty tonight. She had to admit the kid was cute – early twenties, fit, killer smile – he was just the type that Carina would go for. Hell, was there really a type that Carina _wouldn't_ go for?

She pulled open the doors and walked out into the bedroom. Mike was transferring their dinner from the cart to the table by the window as slowly as he possibly could, ogling at Carina the whole time. Carina, who had thrown on Sarah's smallest black T-shirt over a pair of skimpy, black lace panties, was well aware of the attention being paid to her and was smiling and flirting back at him. When Mike spotted Sarah walking into the room, still damp from her shower, he pulled up short, his eyes darting between the two scantily clad women, temporarily speechless.

Carina took note of his piqued interest and sauntered over to Sarah with an exaggerated sway of her hips. She wrapped her arms seductively around the blonde, and nibbled lightly on her neck, sneaking a glance over her shoulder to gauge Mike's reaction. Unthinking, Sarah leaned her cheek against Carina's head and started to bring her arms up to return the embrace before her logical mind kicked in and she pulled back.

"Wanna give the kid a thrill?" Carina whispered into her ear, sending an involuntary shiver down her spine.

Sarah rolled her eyes heavenwards and pushed her away. "Carina, behave yourself," she admonished.

"Oh, don't mind me," Mike said, having found both his voice and his killer smile again. "You two can just go on with . . . "

It was only then that he seemed to really take in the condition of the room; the rubber bands and cosmetics lying everywhere, the upset flower arrangements and pillow lying haphazardly on the dresser, the clothes strewn about the floor, the powder on the carpet, the yogurt dripping down the wall, the guns, knives and handcuffs tossed casually on the nightstands, and the picture of Casey gagged and handcuffed to a hotel room bed prominently displayed on Carina's open laptop.

" . . . whatever it is you were doing," he finished, the tips of his ears turning red.

Carina smirked and waggled her eyebrows at him suggestively. Sarah fought the urge to hide her head in her hands and blush. Instead, she smiled indulgently over at Carina and reached for the check, signing it in a business-like manner.

"Thank you Mike," she said, doing her best to sound nonchalant. "How's your grandmother doing?"

Mike snapped out of his bemused contemplations when he realized that Sarah was asking him a question. "She seems a bit better, thanks. I think the radiation's working."

"That's great," Sarah said sympathetically. "I'm happy to hear it. Have a good night."

Clearly dismissed, Mike took one last glance towards Carina and wheeled his cart towards the door.

"Nighty night Mikey," Carina called after him. "Why don't you come back up and see us when you get off?"

"Carina!" Sarah scolded.

Mike suddenly looked hopeful, glancing between the two agents again and turning on his smile. "I get off at midnight," he said.

Carina ran her hand teasingly down Sarah's spine and pinched her ass cheek. Sarah slapped her hand away, shooting daggers at her with her eyes. "We have an early morning," she said pointedly to Mike.

"Hey, ya can't blame a guy for trying," he shrugged, then winked at Carina. "I usually grab a couple of drinks at the bar before I head home."

"I'll keep that in mind," Carina winked back.

After Mike closed the door, Sarah turned to Carina. "You just can't help yourself, can you?" She sat down at the table, took a sip of her chocolate milkshake and uncovered her cheeseburger. Carina did indeed know just what she wanted. She lifted the bun off her burger, then shot a glare up at the other woman – no pickles.

Carina laughed and uncovered a full plate of bread and butter chips with a flourish. Sarah grinned and popped a pickle into her mouth.

"The department shrinks say that I seek inappropriate male attention because of my lack-of-daddy issues," Carina explained in a pedantic tone.

"Sure," Sarah scoffed, dipping a french fry into her milkshake. "Just like I form inappropriate emotional attachments due to the absence of a mother figure during my formative years. You're just a nympho."

"Whatever," Carina said around a mouthful of cheeseburger. "It works for me." But then her face turned serious. "You do, you know," she said.

"I do what?" Sarah asked absently, spreading mustard onto her burger.

"Form inappropriate emotional attachments."

"I do not!" Sarah retorted, bringing up her knife and inadvertently flicking mustard across the table.

"Really? Am I the only one who remembers Brian Jorgensen?"

"That was lust."

"Yeah, lust enough that you went and wrote him a long, tearful letter confessing everything that nearly got all of us arrested."

Sarah sighed. Carina never got tired of dragging that one up. "We were minors, and what our parents did to his family was just wrong," she repeated for possibly the hundredth time. "I wouldn't have shed a single tear if they both ended up in jail for that one."

"You and your damned morals. How many times do I have to tell you that life is easier without them?"

"Well forgive me for being human."

"And what about Bryce?"

Again, at the mention of Bryce's name, Sarah felt a surge of anger and she slammed her mental walls back into place. "I told you I don't want to talk about Bryce," she said, tight-lipped, looking down at her plate.

"Look, I know I was flip earlier, but I really am sorry." Carina reached across the table to squeeze Sarah's hand.

Sarah looked up to find real, honest sympathy in her friend's eyes and her anger faded, leaving in its place the dull, aching grief she had all but become accustomed to. "Thanks," she said quietly. "It really has been hard."

"I'm sure," Carina replied gently, giving her hand another squeeze. "I barely knew him and I'm gonna miss the hell out of him. I understand what you saw in him."

"Apparently I didn't see enough," Sarah mumbled.

"Yeah, maybe. But who would have guessed it? I flat up refused to believe it when I heard he'd gone rogue."

"He didn't just go rogue, he betrayed _everything_ we believe in."

"You mean he betrayed you."

At this, a hot tear slid unbidden down Sarah's cheek. She snatched her hand back and wiped it away in annoyance. Carina had already succeeded in making her furious tonight, damned if she was going to get her crying too.

"He betrayed his country," Sarah corrected her.

"Sarah, please," Carina said, reaching across the table again, "you're no more of a patriot than I am. The agencies recruit kids like you and me and Bryce because they need skilled, sanctioned criminals in the field and they know they can buy our loyalty by expunging our records."

"Bryce wasn't a criminal. Not like us," Sarah said defensively. _Damnit. _After everything Bryce had done, she was still defending him.

"He wasn't a saint either."

"Yeah, he got into some trouble, but it was stupid college shit. It wasn't the CIA or jail for him. He had a family, a good place to go home to. He made an honest choice."

"Which is why it hurts so bad that he betrayed you," Carina said with understanding. "You thought he really did have a good heart."

Sarah conceded the fact with the barest of nods and a few more tears slid down her face. Carina leaned across the table to wipe them away with the faintest brush of her fingertips. Sarah softly took hold of Carina's hand as she laid her palm alongside her face. She closed her eyes for a long moment and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself, then looked up to meet the other woman's intent gaze. Their eyes stayed locked for what seemed a short eternity, communicating the emotions that words never could.

"And now you're rebounding onto Chuck," Carina finally said, softly.

Sarah clenched her teeth and strengthened her grasp on Carina's hand. She dug her nails in, and pushed the other agent away from her.

"I am not!" she all but yelled it, jumping up and away from the table. "He's just an asset!"

"I thought you said he was an analyst," Carina replied, unfazed by Sarah's sudden change in emotion.

_Shit._ She had slipped again and hadn't even realized it. "Whatever," she said dismissively; starting to stalk across the room, suddenly wishing very much that she were somewhere, anywhere else. She had started to hope that Carina wasn't going to bring up Chuck again tonight. But Carina, true to form, had jumped from one painful subject straight on to the next.

"My job is to protect Chuck and keep him compliant," Sarah said defensively. "That's _all_."

"And how exactly are you keeping him compliant?" Carina asked lightly while popping a french fry into her mouth, seemingly oblivious to her friend's current state of agitation. "Screwing him into submission?"

"No. I wouldn't," Sarah shot back as she paced restlessly.

"Why not? That's certainly your typical MO."

Maybe, but Sarah's situation with regards to Chuck was certainly anything but typical. "It wouldn't be professional," she said.

Carina scoffed. "Since when do you care about professional?"

"Since now," Sarah stated simply. "And . . . and it wouldn't be fair to Chuck."

"Aha! So you do care about him."

"Of course I do," Sarah admitted. "I already told you that he's a good guy who doesn't deserve any of this. I know him well enough by now that I don't want to see him hurt, and that includes by me."

"Hurt him? You'd be giving him the thrill of his life. You have to see that he's head-over-heels for you."

Sarah stopped her pacing and turned to face Carina. "Yeah, I see it. I just don't know what to do about it."

"What do you mean you don't know what to do? Let the horse out of the barn and take him for a ride! You know the lanky guys are almost always hung."

Sarah turned away from Carina, willing herself not to blush. Thanks to Casey constantly teasing her with highlight reels from Chuck's surveillance feed, she already knew the answer to that particular assumption. She was still trying to figure out a way to suggest to Chuck that he take his clothes into the bathroom with him when he showered, without tipping him off about the camera in his room.

"Don't be vulgar," Sarah said, resuming her restless walk around the room. "And even if I _did_ want to – and I'm _not_ saying that I do – and even if it wouldn't get me reassigned in a heartbeat, it would still hurt him and I don't want to do that."

"Wow," Carina said with wide eyes, "I never knew you were so kinky."

"Funny," Sarah retorted. "He's just not the type of guy who can take that kind of thing casually. He'd get even more attached to me and it would be that much worse for him once the assignment's over and I leave."

"This coming from the girl who left a trail of broken hearts behind her from Cleaveland to Vegas and back again?"

Sarah sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, putting her head in her hands and letting her hair fall in a curtain around her to shield her face. She had, in fact, broken more than her fair share of hearts in her day, most of them without a shred of remorse. As soon as the knobby knees, pointy elbows and oversized feet of an early puberty had given way to the soft curves and long limbs of her adolescence, her father had not hesitated in using her to con her way into the teenaged boys' pants – and their parents' bank accounts. But those boys were rich, spoiled, most of them lazy and arrogant with a sense of entitlement that knew no bounds. For the bulk of them she had been happy to crush their hearts and walk away whistling Dixie. But with Chuck . . .

"I don't know," Sarah said from behind her hands. "Chuck's just . . . different."

Carina snorted. "_Different_ I'll give you. But how can you say that and still say you're not falling for him?"

Sarah raised her head and met Carina's eyes directly. "I'm not falling for him."

Keeping Sarah's gaze, Carina moved from the table to sit next to her on the bed. She put her hand softly on Sarah's shoulder and looked her intently in the eyes. "I don't believe you."

"I'm not falling for him," she repeated adamantly. _Sure Sarah, just keep telling yourself that and maybe one day you'll believe it._

"Nope, still not convinced," Carina said lightly.

"I'm not!"

"Please, I know you better than that."

Sarah jumped up angry again. So now Carina was going to play the 'I know you better than anybody' card. Granted, she did, but that was beside the point. "You don't know shit!" she yelled. "About me, my life, or this assignment. Why won't you just let it fucking drop already?"

"Parce que tu es magnifique quand tu es furieux," Carina said simply.

_Because you're magnificent when you're furious,_ Sarah automatically translated_. _This drew her up short, no doubt as Carina had intended it to, and she had no idea how to respond. Her emotions quickly cycled through anger, flattery, humor, and back to anger again. Only Carina could send her into this kind of emotional tailspin so quickly, but as much as Sarah often wanted to hate her for it, she just couldn't. After all, healing always required a certain amount of pain, and she knew that this was just her best friend trying to help. In fact it had only been a few years since a very similar conversation had played out in a Pakastani hotel room, only that time, the agents' respective roles had been reversed. After holding on to her anger for another long moment – anger always was easier, after all – she finally landed on a combination of desperate humor and reluctant indulgence.

"I mean it," Carina said, looking up at her. "A Sarah Walker full of righteous anger is truly a sight to behold. No matter what name she may be going by at the time."

"Don't press your luck," Sarah said wearily, sinking back down next to Carina on the bed.

"I wouldn't dream of it," she replied innocently.

Sarah punched her lightly on the arm. "Oh yes you would."

Carina put her arm around Sarah's shoulders, who sighed heavily and sank tiredly into the embrace, resting her head on the other woman's shoulder and taking her hand in her own.

"So, there's not even one carnal thought about my boy Chuck floating around in that brain of yours?" Carina asked while running one fingernail lightly across Sarah's knee.

Unbidden, Sarah's thoughts ran back to the conversation she and Chuck had had by the fountain the week before – in the spot Sarah was very quickly coming to think of as _their_ spot.

_"What's the good of being a hero if nobody knows about it?" Chuck had asked, frustrated and upset._

_"You know," she had comforted automatically, which should have been enough. It was certainly enough for any other agent. But her mouth had had to go a step further and make it personal. " And so do I."_

_Something on her face must have given Chuck a glimmer of hope. "You know," he said, his voice deceptively casual but his heart swelling in his eyes, "if we were really dating, this would be the part where I'd be forced to kiss you goodnight."_

_Sarah should have responded with some sort of dry line straight from the Academy manual on cover relationships, or at the very least kept her traitorous mouth shut. But instead, she found herself responding like an actual girlfriend who was being teased. "Forced? Would it be so bad?" she asked._

_"I'm sure I could suffer through it," he said earnestly, smiling slightly and pinning her with that look of his that always made her feel that he could somehow see straight through her and all of her bullshit._

Run! _the logical side of her brain had screamed at her, _just shut your mouth and get out of here before you give him the wrong idea! _But the rest of her had been too wrapped up in staring at his lips and wondering if they were as soft as they looked. "Me too," she had said, without even fully realizing that she was speaking. She looked into his eyes and bolts of electricity ran unbidden down her spine as his smile faded and a smoldering hunger came into his eyes. Sarah had found herself fighting not to pull him down and crash her lips into his, not to finally find out how it would feel to sink her fingers into that thick mop of curls and grab hold. Forcing herself to tear her eyes away from his gaze and walk away had been almost physically painful._

"Ha! I knew it!" Carina exclaimed, obviously noticing the wistful look that must have been playing across her face.

Sarah, defeated, put her head back into her hands. "It's just too soon," she said, fighting back a wave of fresh tears. "I keep slipping and I'm not ready to deal with this yet."

Carina rubbed her back sympathetically. "I think you pretty much have to," she said.

Sarah dropped her hands and let them dangle apathetically between her knees. She turned to face Carina, for once not bothering to try and disguise the desperation on her face. "How?" she whispered.

* * *

_Cliffhanger? Well maybe a little bit, but this was originally intended to be one longer piece, so deciding where to put the break was a little arbitrary. It does get more adult from here on in though, so please feel free to read on or not as you choose. And if you've got a moment, let me know what you think so far!_


	2. Chapter 2

Carina put two fingers under Sarah's chin, bringing her to sit up straight, her face turned upwards towards the taller woman. Sarah took in a few shuddering breaths, expecting Carina to say something about being honest about her feelings towards Chuck, or giving him a real reason to trust her; but instead, Carina kissed her, hard.

Sarah stiffened at first. She honestly hadn't been expecting to go here tonight, nor was she sure that she wanted to. But as Carina ran her hands up her back to pull gently at her hair and trace her fingernails down the side of her neck, a sheet of goosebumps raced down her back and arms. At the feel of her suckling insistently on her lower lip, demanding entrance to her mouth; Sarah let go with a soft moan, and let herself melt into the kiss.

Almost instantly, she was rewarded by a welcome retreat into a world of sensation, the whirlwind of her troubled thoughts slowing and beginning a retreat towards the back of her mind. Lost in the feelings of their lips and tongues and hands running over bare skin, Sarah was almost able to forget about Bryce, about Chuck. Almost. When Carina turned her attentions to her neck, taking care to breathe a single hot breath into her ear, Sarah groaned loudly, pulled Carina's head closer in to her, and sank her hands deep into her hair. It was silky, smooth, fine and straight and it flowed through her fingers like a soft breeze though an open window. Only, that wasn't what she was wanting to feel. Her hands ached for coarse curls to twine around her fingers, dark hair so thick that she could all but bury herself in it. She wanted the feel of rough stubble against her chin, to breathe in the special combination of scents that was Chuck's alone. With another gasp akin to a choked sob, Sarah realized that as much as she may want to, she was not going to be able to use Carina to forget this time.

Sarah pulled away and the two women stared at each other for a long moment as they both caught their breath.

"So, that's your suggestion?" she finally managed to ask.

"No," Carina shrugged. "You just looked like you needed that right about now.

"Am I that obvious?" she asked softly, keeping her eyes downcast.

"No," Carina answered. "I just know you that well. Nothing helps to clear your head when you're upset like a good, mind-blowing kiss."

"Mind-blowing, huh?" Sarah smiled. "Don't we have a high opinion of ourselves tonight?"

"Well, isn't your head clearer now?"

Sarah deliberated her answer. She could easily say yes, and thank you very much for the kiss, and the two of them could go on with their Snoresville slumber party. Only, if she did that, Carina would start talking again. And already, in the brief time since she had broken their kiss, her head was filling with unwelcome thoughts of Chuck and Bryce and there was a tight knot in her chest that threatened tears at any moment.

"Not quite," she said throatily, "I think . . ."

She kissed Carina again. "I need . . ."

Another kiss. "A little more help."

And with that, she slid her tongue deep into Carina's mouth and pulled her down onto the bed, climbing on top of her hungrily. Carina may not be who she wanted right now, but at this point she desperately needed something, anything to hold on to. In the past month she had been walking around like a shell of a person, barely breathing, torturing herself with old pictures of Bryce and wondering how she could go on with her heart breaking inside of her every time she looked at Chuck's face. She poured every last bit of her weeks of frustration into the kiss, wrapping her arms around Carina and holding on to her like the last piece of debris floating in the water after a shipwreck.

After a few frantic moments, she and Carina quickly fell into a familiar rhythm, trading heated kisses in between lightly suckling on the others' necks and shoulders. With years of long experience, Carina knew exactly where to touch her, where to put her mouth and teeth and how much pressure to exert in order to make all of the tension along her spine simply melt away. She broke away and fell back into the soft warmth of the down comforter, smiling softly and feeling pleasantly loose and boneless.

"God, have I told you lately how beautiful you are?" Carina asked, looking down at her and running her fingers through the blond hair spread out around her on the pillow.

"Mmmmm," was all Sarah could manage as Carina leaned down to kiss her again.

Again, the sense of comfort and familiarity that only Carina could bring to her spread throughout Sara's body. This was safe, comfortable, like coming home. When she thought about it, she supposed that Carina was really the only home she had to come back to. As Carina kissed her way slowly down her body, her thoughts drifted back to the sunny July afternoon in Denver when she had said goodbye to her for the first time. Sarah, then only ten with tears running unabashedly down her sunburned face, had thrown her arms around a twelve-year-old Carina before she could climb into the car with her mother and drive away – for good, Sarah had thought at the time.

_"I don't want you to go!" She had wailed, holding on to her desperately._

_"Shhh . . . " Carina had whispered, rubbing her back and wiping her tears away softly. "We'll see each other again, I promise. We make too good of a team for us to end it here."_

_Sarah had looked hopefully up at her father, but he only shook his head slightly and turned away, walking quietly into the garage._

_"No we won't," she sniffled._

_"Yes we will," Carina assured her. "It won't be long until I can pass for sixteen, and I'll get a car and I'll come back for you. I'll always come back for you."_

_"You promise?"_

_"I promise." And then Carina had kissed her – Sarah's first kiss. It was short, sweet, little more than a quick brushing of their chapped lips, but it held all of the promise and assurance Sarah had needed to allow her to let go of the girl she had come to think of as a sister._

_"I love you, Mandy Sue," Carina had whispered in her ear before giving her one last hug, sending an entirely new sensation shuddering through her body._

_"You too, Lizzie Belle," Sarah whispered back shakily, before Carina's mom came out of the house, taking her none too gently by the shoulder and herding her into the car. _

Two years later, Carina made good on her word and came back for her; she always did. No matter where Sarah went, it seemed Carina would find her, and usually just when Sarah needed her most. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling she had that day in Denver. Unable to watch her best friend drive away, she had stood in the driveway, her fingertips resting lightly on her lips and looking down at her battered, pink Chuck Taylors as she scuffed her feet along the pavement. How long she stood out there staring at her sneakers and tasting Carina's lips on her own before her dad called her back into the empty house, she never knew. She only knew at that point that she was certain the world had just ended.

Sarah gasped her way out of her reverie as Carina slid up her camisole and brushed her lips lightly against each nipple. Sarah pushed the other woman gently away and pulled her top back down.

"Not tonight," she whispered, before kissing her again.

"You sure?" Carina murmured against her lips.

Sarah met her eyes and nodded. That was the thing about Carina; though she always managed to find Sarah over and over again, she also left again just as quickly, and on top of everything else, Sarah didn't want to get too close and bring back that old pain. The thoughts of her favorite old sneakers had, inevitably, brought thoughts of Chuck to mind, and as illogical as it was – all they had was a cover relationship after all – she couldn't help but feel that this was a betrayal of some sort. The only way he would find out would be if Carina told him, of course, but knowing Carina, she might chose to do just that and she didn't know how she would be able to face Chuck afterwards if she did. After the way he had reacted when he found out about Bryce, she couldn't imagine what he would do if he found out she was bisexual as well.

Still, Carina continued to kiss her and she responded with equal passion. It was so easy to lose herself in this, so easy to close her eyes and just forget about everything – well, almost everything. Surrendering to the sensation again, she strived to school her mind to stillness, focusing her attention solely on her own body and that of the woman in her arms. When Carina sat up and pulled off her T-shirt, Sarah quickly pulled her back down and bit lightly on her nipples, smiling as she felt the shudder that ran though her body at the contact. She kissed her way back up Carina's chest, neck and jaw until their lips met again in a blaze that took both of their breaths away.

How long they lay like that, kissing each other softly and letting their hands roam freely over each others' bodies, Sarah didn't know. Things like time had ceased to become relevant. But when Carina slipped her hand inside Sarah's underwear, the sudden rush of sensation caused her eyes to open with a snap and reality came crashing back to her. She couldn't do this. Not tonight. It wasn't being fair to herself . . . or to Chuck.

"No," she whispered softly, grabbing Carina's hand lightly and bringing it up to her mouth to kiss her fingertips.

Carina heaved a sigh. "Honey, you better make up your mind, because I'm about two seconds away from tying you up and ravishing you until you scream for mercy."

A deep shiver ran the course of Sarah's body and her toes curled involuntarily at the thought, she knew very well that Carina was more than capable of doing exactly what she said. But she took a calming breath and stayed her course. She gave Carina one, last quick kiss and then cleared her throat. "Why don't you pop in a movie?" she said.

Carina gave her a long, searching look, but finally swung her legs off of the bed and stood up. "Tease," she said accusingly.

Sarah sighed and propped herself up against the headboard, pulling a pillow into her lap. She supposed she was being a tease. But she also knew that with the low simmer that Carina constantly kept her sex drive on, she could turn her desires off and on more easily than a hot water tap; so she didn't feel particularly guilty about the situation.

"You started it," she accused back, smiling.

"Maybe," Carina drawled slowly, "but you certainly didn't help matters any."

Sarah just shrugged nonchalantly as Carina turned the wall panel to reveal the room's entertainment center.

"Chick flick?" Carina asked, running a finger along the row of DVDs.

"I don't care," Sarah said, "as long as it's not a spy movie or a fucking romantic comedy."

"Ok, no romance for you tonight. I get it." She flipped through the DVDs idly, "Rom com . . . rom com . . . rom com . . . you know, you're kind of limiting our options here."

Sarah just shrugged. After so many years in deep cover ops with very little contact with civilians, she had felt the need to brush up on her casual, California girlfriend routine.

"_Tron_? Really?"

"Yeah," Sarah mumbled, "that's a Chuck thing."

"And so, I guess is _Dune_, _The Lord of the Rings_, _A Hitchhiker's Guide to the_ _Galaxy, Resident Evil, Spies Like Us_, and the View Askew-athon?"

Sarah nodded as Carina pulled out two cases. "Again, really? _Beaches_ and _Steel Magnolias_?"

"Yeah, Casey gave those to me. Said they were to help brush up on my 'lady feelings.' I guess he thought I was lacking in that department."

Carina snorted. "I still can't believe you ended up partnered with him."

"Ah, he's not that bad once you get to know him a little. He's actually kind of funny."

"Oh, and how well _do _you know Casey now?" Carina asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Carina!" Sarah reached over to the bedside table and threw her phone at her. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Why not?" she asked, easily dodging the phone, "you put it there."

"Your mind is _always_ there," Sarah scoffed.

"Only when you're around, babe."

"Sure," Sarah drawled, rolling her eyes.

"This has to be from your dad," Carina said, holding up a copy of _Bright Eyes_.

"Yeah," Sarah nodded.

"Want me to pop it in?"

"No!" Sarah said far too quickly. The last thing she wanted to do was to think about her dad on top of everything else tonight.

"How's he doing, by the way?" Carina asked gently, putting the Shirley Temple movie back on the shelf.

"He's fine. He's coming up for parole in a few months, wants me to come testify and say I'll let him stay with me, help him get a job, start an honest life, etcetera."

"Will you go?"

"I don't know," Sarah sighed. "I'll see what's going on then."

"Wonder how long it'll take him to get back up to his old tricks."

"Oh, I'd imagine about as long as takes him to find a good paper guy and the first flight to anywhere else," Sarah laughed.

"No doubt," Carina chuckled along with her. "Marilyn Monroe?"

"No. I'm not feeling particularly musical tonight." Carina flipped past her collection of musicals and dance movies.

"_Casablanca_?"

"No!"

"_Charlie's Angles_?"

"That's a spy movie."

"Hardly," Carina snorted. " What about _Thelma and Louise_?"

"Maybe."

"Ah! Here we go, I haven't seen this since high school." Carina smiled triumphantly as she pulled down a copy of _Tank Girl_ down and opened the case.

"Perfect," Sarah agreed.

Carina loaded up the DVD player and picked up Sarah's cheeseburger and melted milkshake. "Here, finish this up, you've barely eaten a thing today."

"Thanks." She grabbed the remote to cue up the movie as Carina settled in next to her, leaning back against the headboard with the plate of pickles on her lap. Sarah snagged a few and loaded them onto her burger.

"Think you have enough?"

"You can never have enough pickles," Sarah said seriously from around a mouthful of food.

Carina twined her legs casually with Sarah's and they settled in to watch the movie, Carina's head seeking out a comfortable nook in Sarah's shoulder. Midway through, Sarah was feeling comfortably full and heavy and her eyes began to drift slowly closed. She didn't protest as Carina shut off the movie and maneuvered her down under the covers, cuddling up close behind her and wrapping her arms around her. Instead, she pulled Carina's arm closer into her chest and sighed contently. Feeling completely safe and secure for the first time in months, she drifted off easily to sleep.

*****

Carina woke some time later with an elbow crashing into her cheekbone. Instinctively, she rolled off of the bed and took cover, reaching for the gun on the nightstand. As she looked around the room, she realized where she was and what was happening. She was in Los Angeles, in Sarah's hotel room, and Sarah was full in the grips of one of her nightmares. She was thrashing feverishly the bed, her face twisted in what looked like a grimace of pain, and in the moonlight, Carina could see the streams of tears shining on her cheeks.

Carina quickly moved back up onto the bed and gathered the sleeping woman into her arms. It wasn't uncommon for agents to have nightmares; heaven knew she had witnessed things that would send even the most hardened of killers running for a psychologist's couch. But that's not what this was about. Sarah had been having these dreams long before the CIA. Carina never knew what they were about; Sarah would always claim not to remember them after waking, though she would almost always turn introspective and brooding and wear a vaguely haunted look on her face for the remainder of the next day. Sarah confided in Carina about nearly every aspect of her life, but her dreams, she guarded strictly for herself.

Carina didn't know if she was reliving some sort of childhood trauma, or if this was simply her subconscious struggling to process all of the emotions she couldn't allow herself to feel while awake, but Carina had always suspected the latter. Sarah's dad may have been a lot of things, but he wasn't an abuser, nor would have he ever forgiven himself if he had allowed any harm to come to his daughter. Carina wondered, not for the first time, what kind of God would give her friend such a rare depth of feeling and capacity for emotion, and then put her in a life where she had no option but to stuff all of it inside. Carina knew that she, herself, could be shallow almost to a point of fault, but she still couldn't help but feel that she had gotten the better end of that particular bargain.

It took nearly all of her strength to hold the thrashing woman still – Sarah really had been working out lately – but Carina held her close, running her fingers through her hair and murmuring soft reassurances in her ear in a routine they had established long ago in their Denver bedroom.

Gradually, Sarah's frantic movements slowed and she began to mutter under her breath. She never spoke complete words, only random whispers and syllables, which had been lucky for Sarah. Sleep talkers couldn't be entrusted with security clearances. Still, Carina knew that Sarah had walked a fine line when she entered the Academy and that it had been only Graham's insistence as to her tremendous potential as a field agent that had gotten her through the psychological screening. When the FBI drone contacted Carina for Sarah's routine background interview, she had very seriously considered lying to keep Sarah from being accepted. She had already completed her DEA training and been in the field for a year by that time and she knew that this wasn't the life she wanted for her friend. Someone like Sarah, she wanted to see happy; with a good guy she could love with all that she had in her, a couple of kids that she could raise the right way with all of the things that they had missed out on as children, hell, maybe even with a golden retriever and a fucking minivan. But Carina had also known that without the CIA, Sarah would have been far more likely to slide back into a life on the grift and she deserved that even less. So she had answered honestly: no, she had never heard Sarah _talk _in her sleep. And then she had gone on enthusiastically and at great length about Sarah's ability to take on and shed new identities as easily as most people shed their clothing.

_Which in my case is quite often_, Carina thought to herself with a grin as she hummed a low lullaby and continued to rock Sarah softly. She had to admit, the kid was kinda cute in a geeky sort of way. But then, Sarah always did have a soft spot for the nerds. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out what the bloody hell was so damned important about Charles Irving Bartowski, Stanford reject and current Buy Moron, but the whole operation had the feel of a long-term assignment, and he seemed like he could be the type of guy who could finally make Sarah happy. And for that alone, she couldn't help but love him a little bit. Maybe he could turn out to be that good guy that Sarah needed. She reminded herself to give Chuck a little nudge in Sarah's direction before she left town the next day.

Eventually, Sarah grew quiet and her skin began to rapidly heat up, a sign that she was about to wake. Carina laid her carefully back on the bed, and when a few moments later Sarah bolted upright with a gasp, Carina was waiting to cover her lips with her own.

After a moment of panic where Sarah clawed unseeing at Carina's face and shoulders, Sarah calmed and sank hungrily into the kiss. She sobbed desperately into Carina's mouth, pressing their faces together urgently, and held on to her with a grip hard enough that it would leave bruises the next day. When she felt Sarah finally begin to relax slightly, Carina softened the kiss and resumed stroking her hair and back softly until Sarah pulled away, breathless.

"You wanna talk about it?" Carina asked gently.

"No," Sarah sniffed, "he . . . I . . . I don't remember," she said, shaking her head and casting her eyes downwards.

Carina didn't believe her – she always knew when Sarah was lying to her – but she didn't press. The single word "he" was the most description she had ever gotten about one of Sarah's dreams. Maybe that was progress, or maybe Bryce's death and the addition of Chuck to her life had only made the dreams that much more intense.

"Then just lie back down and go back to sleep," Carina soothed.

"I . . . I don't know if I can," Sarah whispered.

Carina knew that was true. Sarah never could fall back asleep after one of her dreams without help. She wondered how many nights she had spent in this room, alone with her ghosts, sitting cross-legged on the floor by her bed, staring out the window and waiting for the sun to come up so she could start another day.

"It's ok," Carina soothed her, "I'll help you get there."

"Will you . . . will you stay?" Sarah asked, her voice almost child-like.

"Of course. I can even stay a few days if you want. I don't have a mission right now and I've got plenty of comp time I can use."

Sarah considered for a second. "No," she said finally, but with a tinge of regret. "I need to deal with this on my own."

"If that's what you want," Carina said, "but tonight, you sleep. You just lay back and close your eyes; let me do all the work."

"But . . ." Sarah halfway protested.

"But nothing," Carina asserted, softly running her hand down Sarah's face and closing her eyes. She stroked her hair a few times then bent down to whisper directly in her ear. "You can even pretend I'm Chuck."

Carina grinned as she felt Sarah shiver beneath her and the blonde moaned lightly.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Carina kissed her way down Sarah's body, using long, sweeping motions of her hands to ease the tension in the other agent's arms and legs. This time, when Carina pulled up her shirt, Sarah did not refuse, only sat up slightly to allow it to be pulled over her head before collapsing back on the pillow, her eyes closed and a soft smile on her face. Carina took a long moment to admire the view of her laid out in the moonlight, her skin flushed and glowing and her hair spread out in a sliver fan around her on the pillow. Carina thought she had never seen anything more beautiful.

After a while, Sarah opened her eyes and looked at her as if to question why she had stopped. Before she could speak, Carina silenced her with another kiss and continued her path down Sarah's body, flipping her own hair over her head to trail it slowly over her breasts and abdomen, eliciting a soft moan from the other woman. With agonizing slowness, Carina peeled off Sarah's boy shorts and drew one of her legs over her shoulder. Sarah thrust her hips once in anticipation, but Carina put a hand on her firm belly and whispered again. "Shhh, just lay still and let me. Let your mind drift off until you fall asleep."

Sarah gasped softly as Carina's mouth found its mark, but Carina continued to work slowly, her tongue barely moving as she listened to Sarah's soft moans. Every time Sarah's languid movements sped up or she showed signs of waking fully, Carina drew back and waited for her to let go again, until finally, she felt the long, shuddering orgasm course its way through Sarah's body and the leg on her back relaxed completely. Carina smiled as she heard Sarah whisper Chuck's name softly, as reverently as a prayer. Twice more, Carina brought her slowly to orgasm, and twice more Sarah moaned Chuck's name, and eventually Sarah was utterly limp and relaxed and drifting off to sleep with a peaceful smile on her face.

"I love you Mandy Sue," Carina whispered softly, planting a feather-light kiss on her inner thigh.

"You too Lizzie Belle," Sarah murmured back as she faded into unconsciousness.

Moving carefully so as not to wake her, Carina crawled back up the bed and rested her head on Sarah's shoulder, gazing up at her face as she slept. After several long minutes, Sarah's eyes began moving rapidly under her lids as she entered REM sleep. Carina waited until the REM cycle passed without any signs of the nightmares returning and then slowly made her way out of the bed, getting up to pace restlessly around the room. She was always happy to help Sarah out, but now there was no way she was going to get any sleep herself without some assistance of her own.

She thought about that cute room service kid that had come up earlier. What was his name? Mitch? Mark? Whatever, the boy looked like he had some serious stamina. Carina glanced over at the alarm clock on the wall – 1:13am. Depending on how long Matt liked to spend at the bar after he got off of work, there was a chance that he was still downstairs. And if not? Well, she could always go see if Casey was still sporting his clovers.

After dressing quietly in a pair of yoga pants and a tank top she pilfered from Sarah's drawer. Carina sat down on the edge of the bed and waited until Sarah entered another REM cycle, assuring herself that there would be no more nightmares tonight. Then, snagging a keycard from the dresser, she silently slipped out of the room to go see what the rest of the night held in store for her.

*****

Sarah stirred awake and wrinkled her nose as she felt Carina slip back into bed beside her, just as the sky was beginning to lighten. She smelled strongly of smoke, liquor and sex. Sarah smiled softly to herself – did she really expect anything else? She continued to feign sleep as Carina cuddled up to her back, but when the redhead settled in a position that involved her breathing across Sarah's cheek, she had to turn over.

"Go brush your teeth," she murmured. "Your breath reeks."

Carina laughed lightly and tweaked the end of her nose with one fingertip. "For you, my dear, anything. But you go back to sleep."

"Ok." Sarah didn't protest; she was more than halfway there already.

As she heard Carina start the water in the shower, Sarah's thoughts drifted naturally back to Chuck as they did so often these days. She couldn't remember the details of her dream as any more than a vague blur, but she knew that it was the same one she had been having at least three times a week. Chuck had been violently torn away from her over and over again, and each time he called back to her, his voice full of pain, saying, "but I thought I could trust you . . . "

Sarah knew that she had to say something to fix things between them. She couldn't really blame him for the way he had reacted when Carina had told him about Bryce – especially given the way in which she had chosen to deliver the news – and she should have been honest with Chuck to begin with. He had never been anything but open with her, and he deserved no less in return. And now that her head was finally calm and she felt completely at ease for the first time in months, she realized that the problem wasn't as dire as it seemed. Chuck didn't need a grand gesture; he just needed to know something real about her, to see that there was an actual human with genuine emotions hiding underneath her agent veneer. He needed a touchstone to ground himself on to keep him from floundering so badly in this new world he had been dragged into.

Sarah drifted off to sleep wondering what about herself she could tell Chuck that would be enough without revealing too much. It had to be something more substantial than her love of pickles or her olive aversion. Maybe her favorite movie, or type of flower? She was still determined not to delve into her past with him. It wasn't that she was ashamed, per se, but the subject was just too vast and complicated for her to get into at this early time point. Even Bryce had known very little about her childhood. Maybe some day if they ever found themselves in a position where they were no longer asset and handler, she would tell him everything. But honestly, she couldn't stand the thought of Chuck looking at her with pity filling his eyes, as she was sure he would do if he ever found out the truth.

No, something simple, but honest. Books, movies, TV shows, music. They could have the Beatles vs. Stones or Leno vs. Letterman conversation. It would be nice, Chuck would tease her about her love of bluegrass and cheesy dance movies; they would laugh easily and share a comfortable night together, and Chuck would walk away feeling validated that he had gotten to know her as a real person. As long as he didn't ask any dangerous questions like her real name or where she was from, it would all work out just fine, she was sure of it now.

And with contented thoughts of thick curly hair, warm brown eyes and a smile that could melt her heart from a hundred paces, Sarah slipped once again into a peaceful and blessedly dreamless sleep.

* * *

_So, how'd I do? Different? I very much appreciate all feedback. This was my first attempt ever at writing even a hint of sex and I'm actually very nervous about it, so I'd love to hear what y'all think, positive or negative. I've got a thick skin and am very hard to offend, so feel free to be brutally honest. And thank you so much for reading!_


End file.
